Columnist Neil Chethik collaborated with the University of Kentucky Research Center to study men's inner lives and how they relate to relationships. The results revealed very interesting findings. According to the research and contrary to popular belief, men do enjoy talking about relationships. The caveat is, that they enjoy discussing relationships on their own terms and in a different manner than women.
To further elaborate, men are willing to talk about feelings when they feel comfortable and using their own language. During the research, when men were questioned about their feelings toward their wives, they felt uncomfortable and withdrew from the conversation. However, when the men were approached using action phrases to decipher how they felt about their wives, the men became engaged. The men also appeared more comfortable discussing their thoughts about their wives rather than their feelings. What does this finding suggest? Men are more likely to share their inner worlds with someone when they can do so in a language they feel comfortable with.
Men also have a negative reputation for not being as willing as women to commit to a relationship. Nevertheless, the results from this study also discredited this popular belief. The results indicate that men do want to make a commitment, and take more time because they want to be confident that they are making the right decision. This conclusion points to the idea that men take commitment very seriously and desire a good fit between their mate and themselves. As men should because marriage as a commitment offers joys and challenges. The question remains, "Are men overwhelmed by fear or are they being cautious with a decision that they are cognizant will affect the rest of their life? Maybe women could also benefit from placing more weight on the decision as well?
In addition, the completed survey suggested that 90% of currently married men would marry the same women again! This is a very important statistic. The majority of men are indicating that they believe they had made the right decision and are satisfied with their choice. This statistic corresponds well to the finding that women initiate 2/3rds of all divorces. Hence, when men commit to marriage, they intend to be in the relationship for good.
Lastly, another myth was extinguished. The aphorism that men who treat their mother's well will make good husbands was found to be inaccurate. Men who had good relationships with their mothers were as likely to have positive or negative relationships with their wives. Rather, the results indicated that men who had a good relationship with their fathers had better relationships with their wives. Fathers obviously play a large role in modeling behaviors for their sons. If father's treat their wives well, their sons have a better role-model. In essence, sons learn to relate as men by watching their fathers.
Friday, July 10, 2009
Are Men Really Commitment Phobic?
Columnist Neil Chethik collaborated with the University of Kentucky Research Center to study men's inner lives and how they relate to relationships. The results revealed very interesting findings. According to the research and contrary to popular belief, men do enjoy talking about relationships. The caveat is, that they enjoy discussing relationships on their own terms and in a different manner than women.
To further elaborate, men are willing to talk about feelings when they feel comfortable and using their own language. During the research, when men were questioned about their feelings toward their wives, they felt uncomfortable and withdrew from the conversation. However, when the men were approached using action phrases to decipher how they felt about their wives, the men became engaged. The men also appeared more comfortable discussing their thoughts about their wives rather than their feelings. What does this finding suggest? Men are more likely to share their inner worlds with someone when they can do so in a language they feel comfortable with.
Men also have a negative reputation for not being as willing as women to commit to a relationship. Nevertheless, the results from this study also discredited this popular belief. The results indicate that men do want to make a commitment, and take more time because they want to be confident that they are making the right decision. This conclusion points to the idea that men take commitment very seriously and desire a good fit between their mate and themselves. As men should because marriage as a commitment offers joys and challenges. The question remains, "Are men overwhelmed by fear or are they being cautious with a decision that they are cognizant will affect the rest of their life? Maybe women could also benefit from placing more weight on the decision as well?
In addition, the completed survey suggested that 90% of currently married men would marry the same women again! This is a very important statistic. The majority of men are indicating that they believe they had made the right decision and are satisfied with their choice. This statistic corresponds well to the finding that women initiate 2/3rds of all divorces. Hence, when men commit to marriage, they intend to be in the relationship for good.
Lastly, another myth was extinguished. The aphorism that men who treat their mother's well will make good husbands was found to be inaccurate. Men who had good relationships with their mothers were as likely to have positive or negative relationships with their wives. Rather, the results indicated that men who had a good relationship with their fathers had better relationships with their wives. Fathers obviously play a large role in modeling behaviors for their sons. If father's treat their wives well, their sons have a better role-model. In essence, sons learn to relate as men by watching their fathers.
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As a scholar of Black families and heterosexual relationship relationships, I can't help but wonder about the racial/ethnic representation of the men in this study. Specifically, since Black men have a higher likelihood of being reared by a single-mother (and have a non-existent relationship with their father), I wonder if the lack of a male role model has not in some way, diminished their desire for a committed relationship. In addition, Black men are the MOST likely to experience unemployment and/or underemployment, so their financial instability may further diminish their desire for a committed relationship. In essence, unless the sample used in this study was representation, one cannot conclusively say that men, as a group, value commitment to the same degree as women.
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